This is not your traditional blog post. There’s many of those out there on miscarriage. Instead, I wanted to share with you five honest, raw quotes from friends of mine on what they found most helpful and least helpful when surviving miscarriage.
Let me be completely transparent.
Surviving miscarriage is one of the single hardest feats of my life. There is no book or blog post that walks you through step by step what to expect and the range of emotions you feel. You’re completely flying blind. I felt so completely isolated and alone because I didn’t know anyone else who had experienced this loss. I think that’s why I’ve been so forthcoming about my own story. By sharing my experiences, I hope people know they’re not alone and there is always someone to reach out to.
Five Rules for Surviving Miscarriage
Since I’ve been so honest with my personal story, I get a lot of messages from friends about what to do or what helped me the most. So. I came up with these five rules for surviving miscarriage. I hope you find them helpful.
- You are allowed to be sad.
- You are allowed to be mad.
- You are allowed to grieve a life you never got the chance to meet.
- You are allowed to take the time and space to process your loss in whatever way makes you feel comfortable.
- You are allowed to be honest with people. Tell them when their words hurt. Tell them when what they’re saying isn’t helpful. Tell them that you need space or to be left alone.
Those are my rules. They worked for me.
Quotes for Surviving Miscarriage
Here’s the part where five women are completely transparent with their own stories and their struggles. I hope this helps you through your journey of loss.
“Not speaking up and faking. Not snapping on people when they say “you can try again” when I should have just told them to STFU (politely). I did nothing right. I swallowed it all, and barely anyone knew.”
Take it Slow
“I didn’t want to dwell on it, so I didn’t take the time to heal as I should have.
There is no middle ground. “Don’t talk about it” vs. “Only talking about it.” And neither was great.
I felt like I was being treated with kid gloves at home and ran back to work, to early, to try to forget but I didn’t know how to process what happened. I’m blessed my husband and mom were there to help me and give me space to process. It’s still difficult, and it was an early loss.
And I panicked the first trimester (on the whole pregnancy) with my rainbow baby because she was a threatened miscarriage too. I never could fully relax.”
“I had 4 miscarriages 2 before my son and 2 after and I wish I had a good response for people when they said well-meaning things like “it wasn’t meant to be” and “you’ll get pregnant again,” but I had to use all my willpower not to scream and/or punch them in the face.”
“Don’t hold it all in, find someone to talk to or keep a journal. Getting all my feelings out on paper helped.
Also, give yourself time to grieve but also move on when that time has come. My husband was amazing with letting me have that time, but also at a certain point, he told me to move on (in a nice way) because I was dwelling on it. I needed the kick in the ass to help myself.”
Say their Name
“What helped me the most- crying/grieving, naming our babies, I made ornaments with the ultrasound photos, talk about them with our other children especially during nighttime prayers.”
Give Yourself Space
“Take time off to process and grieve. I worked through all 3 of mine…why did I do that to myself? In the end, doing that wasn’t healthy for me mentally or physically. And I paid for it later on when I realized I had never comprehended & accepted what happened.”
May you find hope and healing on your journey <3