If you post a picture on any social media platform of your kids screaming or climbing all over you with a caption explaining how you’re exhausted, touched out, and your house is a complete disaster, I bet you’ll have at least one comment with “oh, but you’ll miss this one day.” Ok, Deborah. Maybe I will or maybe I won’t. I’m betting it’s the latter.
In this season of motherhood, you’re so needed all the time by all the creatures in your home. There’s barely a moment in the day to surface for air and take a deep breath or enjoy a book. Heck, for once I’d like to take a nice shower two days in a row, but I know that’s like dreaming for a pet unicorn. That’s how I know, without a doubt, that there are things that I will not miss when my kids get older. After some consideration, here’s my top 9. And if I do miss them, someone kindly refer me back to this post.
Nine Things I Won’t Miss When My Kids Get Older
Frequent Stops when Driving
Driving anywhere with kids in the car is comparable to pulling the pin on a hand grenade and waiting for it to explode. You find yourself begging all the stoplights to be green- because if you get stopped for more than thirty seconds, you know there’s going to be blood-curdling screams from the seat behind you. Road trips? Add at least 3 extra hours. Stopping every hour for either a hungry infant or a newly potty trained preschooler is no one’s idea of fun. There is no way I’ll miss chauffeuring young kids.
Trying to take poop covered clothes off of a tiny, wriggling human should be an Olympic sport. Gold medal if you manage to get the clothes off, diaper off, feces cleaned up, and you don’t get a single bit on the changing table or yourself. There is no way I’ll miss changing diaper blowouts. Heck, I doubt I’ll miss changing diapers at all.
Going to the Bathroom with an Audience
If you’ve never experienced performance anxiety, come to my house. My preschooler will follow you into the bathroom and proceed to interrogate you. We’re talking twenty questions you have no idea how to answer. Then add the infant on the floor who’s crying because you dared to pee, and you’re setting yourself up for failure. I don’t know how many times I’ve said ‘Mommy needs to go potty. Can Mommy please go potty and you watch TV?’ The answer is almost always no- if you were wondering. Before I became a stay at home mom, I had no idea how much of a luxury getting to pee alone was. Won’t miss this either.
Drinking Cold Coffee when I Wanted Hot Coffee
Don’t get me wrong, I love iced coffee. Cold brewed coffee is even better. But, when I’m in the mood for a cup of hot coffee, dangit, I want to drink the coffee while it’s still hot. I don’t want to have to warm it in the microwave 700 times before getting a chance to finish it. Before I had kids, I used to giggle at my mother in love because she’d always have to warm her coffee in the microwave. ‘That’s so silly,’ I’d think. Then I had kids. You get so distracted doing a million things for the different members of your family that by the time you get a moment to drink that coffee finally, it’s ice cold. For once, I’d like to drink an entire cup of coffee while it’s still hot. I’m going to savor the day that I’m able to do this.
Constantly Covered in Fluids
Breastmilk. Spit Up. Snot. Vomit. Pee. Poop. I can’t remember the last time I made it through an entire day without getting some mysterious fluid on me. There have been days where I changed my shirt at least 4 times because it was so gross. Earlier today my preschooler licked me ‘because.’ I mean, why not. Licking your mom is cool. I’m telling you, I will not miss being covered in fluids. I’ll love getting to pick out an outfit and know it’ll make it through the entire day unscathed.
Oh, the whining. It’s like nails on a chalkboard. Someone in our house is always whining or crying. At least it seems like that. There’s only so many times you can hear the same sound without wanting to stick your fingers in your ears and sing ‘LALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU’ like a petulant child. It feels like every age there’s a new level of whining. It’s obnoxious. The whining can stop tomorrow, and I won’t miss it. Not one little bit.
The last decent night of sleep I had was right before I found out I was pregnant. That’s like, almost five years ago. Were women built with a unique line of DNA that says ‘can survive on 3hours of broken sleep’? That must be a thing. How else do we survive the state of constant exhaustion? I will dance a very happy dance the day I realize that my kids are sleeping all night without waking. At this point, I’m not even worried about kicking them out of my bed. I want to sleep a consecutive 8 hours. Maybe it’ll happen when they’re teenagers.
They’re a necessary evil, I know that. But it doesn’t mean I have to like them. Car seats are such a hassle. The installation, the buckling the kids, moving them between vehicles, it’s a pain. Triple checking that they’re installed right, then triple checking that the kid is positioned and buckled correctly, it’s like a 50pt checklist before you even start the car to go anywhere. And that’s assuming your kids like the car. My youngest loathes the car seat. Trying to buckle a squirmy kid that doesn’t want to be restrained is good cardio. It makes me sweat. There’s no better feeling than standing in the parking lot trying to buckle a screaming kid into their car seat while all the passersby look at you like you’re abducting the child. Nope. Won’t miss that.
I walked away from my youngest today for thirty seconds so I could wipe my oldest’s behind. In that time she managed to army crawl to the rice cakes we were sharing and had crushed them into a million pieces like the hulk. I don’t even know how she did it. It was impressive actually. And sad. Because I had vacuumed our house three hours prior. Why did I even bother with the vacuum?! The worst part? Our dog wouldn’t even eat the rice cakes. Seriously?! That’s one of the whole reasons to get a dog when you have young kids! There is no way I’ll miss the constant cleaning. I’ll love to clean the house once a week and have it stay that way for more than five minutes.
Parenting Isn’t Always Fun
It’s ok not to love every single minute of parenting tiny humans. The first 3-5 years of your children’s lives are kind of a crapshoot. Yes, they’re adorable and cuddly, and you wouldn’t trade them for anything. But, this is the hard stuff. You’re in the weeds. Sometimes you wonder if the hard work that you’re doing is even worth it. I promise it’ll be worth it… one day.
Embrace the terrible awful and try to find joy in your day somewhere, you’re doing a great job.
Do you have anything you won’t miss when your kids grow up? Let me know in the comments!
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